Taking Away the Car Keys

Recently NBC Nightly News ran a segment on a difficult conversation many "After Fiftiers" either have had or will be having with their aging parents.


Topic of the conversation: Taking Away the Car Keys (from elderly parents).


I looked for pointers in the NBC segment - things like, how to begin the conversation; how to counter-act defensive arguments; what to do if the parent just won’t listen or becomes belligerent – or worse. I looked because most of us will face these issues when the time comes.


Instead, NBC presented a very atypical family. Aging parent (age 90) had initiated the conversation (yes, you read that one right) and his son and daughter-in-law were helping him transition to a more limited driving schedule (no more night-time driving, 10-mile driving radius around the house, etc.).


I bet 9-out- of-10 of us will not encounter that kind of scenario when it is our turn. Driving represents independence – for all of us – and most will do everything in their power to maintain that independence.


However eHow.com provides an interesting article, “How to Take Away the Car Keys from an Aging Parent.” Here are the article’s 5 main points, in summary.

1) Take a ride with your parent as driver. How skillful is her driving. Does she become confused, agitated, lost? Has reaction time slowed?

2) If parent is getting lost or forgetful while driving, this may be a sign of dementia. Check this out with her doctor.

3) Suggest that your parent re-take the driver’s test. If you talk honestly with your parent about your concern for her safety (and the safety of others) she may agree to be re-tested.

4) If you’re not making progress, and if you’ve enlisted family and friends to talk with her and there’s still no progress, contact your Dept. of Motor Vehicles to report your concerns. They may revoke the license.

5) If all else fails, remove access to the car. This is not easy – but it could save lives.


In my case, my parent would not budge. The conversations were disappointing. Fortunately, though, the state required mother to take a vision test to renew her license. She marched belligerently into the Registry office, and took the eye exam. A Registry employee then asked her for her license – and tore it up. “Why?” my mother stammered. “Because you’re blind,” came the answer. “You have no business behind the wheel of a car. We’ll call you a cab.” And thus marked the end of my mother’s “driving days.”


This is a very unpleasant situation to be in.  Especially for someone like me who knows that, not if, but WHEN my time comes they will have to take me down to get my license from ME.


View the original article here