Things We Have Learned About Sex by Watching the Olympics

Things We Have Learned
About Sex by Watching the Olympics

Post-sex cuddling is like soccer: It's hugely popular in other parts of the world, but guys in the U.S. simply don't give a sh*t.

It is critical that one verifies the sex of the participants before the start of the event.

The pole vaulter sprints to the pit, sticks the pole, reaches climax, collapses onto the matt -- all in under 10 seconds. And he hopes to be awarded a medal!

Nobody remembers who came second.

Just like in wrestling: Slam 'em to the floor, pin 'em for a few seconds, and *boom* it's pretty much over.

The person finishing in the fastest time wins.

A sandy, sweaty, girl-on-girl ass smack can be more effective than Viagra.

Be careful! If your ladyfriend bends too far backward while she's on top, she could get flung up and over a 19-foot-high bar by the spring-back of your junk.  (Yeah, right!)

Whatever you do, don't want to lose fluids too early.

Like sex, there's a lot more to water polo than simply thrashing around and slamming your balls between the uprights.

Getting laid is like the biathlon -- your scoring chances are greater if you carry a weapon.  (May be your ONLY chance) 

No matter how hard you try, synchronizing is a bitch.

"Doing it doggie style" means something entirely different at Beijing restaurants.

You prepare for it your whole life, but the moment is over in mere seconds.

Shaving reduces friction.

and the Number 1 Thing We Have Learned About Sex by Watching the Olympics...

Watching the experts and following along by yourself at home is often more gratifying than actually participating.


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